Sunday, July 17, 2011

Why "Ambiguously Ambitious"?

You may have noticed that the title of my blog is "Ambiguously Ambitious." Well, when you look at the definitions of the words, it makes pretty good sense. According to
1. open to more than one interpretation; having a double meaning
2. unclear or inexact because a choice between alternatives has not been made
1. having or showing a strong desire and determination to succeed
2. a plan intended to satisfy high aspirations and therefore difficult to achieve

So anyway, the layman's explanation is that I have a lot of ideas about what I want to accomplish, but I am going to have to pick and choose because I can't do them all and I don't know what I want to do most yet. This mostly applies to work and grad school.

I have a bachelor's in elementary education, and so far based on substituting and college work I've really liked that. But eventually people expect you to get a master's degree, which I'm fine with because I loved college and I like choosing classes based on where my interests are. Trouble is I have a lot of interests even within the field of education. I've considered early childhood, early childhood special ed, special ed severe disabilities, secondary ed English, secondary ed history, and (my latest idea) library and information sciences.

One by one I've started striking them off the list.
I love babies, but one day I plan to have my own babies, and I'm not sure I want to come home from cleaning up barf and poop.... to clean up barf and poop.
I love special education, but it can be so heartbreaking, and there is so much legal mess to go through that it can get in the way of actually doing any good.

I love reading and writing, but I have a problem with early British and American lit. See, they don't make sense. And I hate symbolism, themes, foreshadowing, etc. I take everything very literally. (Which is funny since I am also very sarcastic. Whatever. Don't judge me.) I also don't like things like gerunds. I don't even remember what a gerund IS. And the thing about public school is there's a curriculum you have to follow, and you have to teach the stuff you don't like. So English is out.

History gives me the same problem. I don't have much interest in politics or economics. My main interests are in the domestic side of history, and the lifestyle people lived. I'm not super excited about anything that's happened in the last hundred years (before you get your panties in a wad, I'm not saying it isn't important, I just think ancient and medieval history is more interesting.) But regardless of my interests, if the state course of study says I have to teach it, well then I have to teach it if I want to get paid even if I don't think the reasons for the stock market crash of 1929 were all that interesting.

So far library science is the one that's really sticking around. It'll let me help kids do research on different stuff, and find more books I would enjoy reading. I definitely want to stay in public education for now, and preferably with elementary or middle school students. Library science can also get me what I need to work in a law, medical, or college library, and apparently you can make pretty good money doing that. I could work in a public library, too, which could be fun.

Anyway, that's why the title of my blog is what it is. In middle school I had wanted to be an astronaut. (I still do, but because of my eyesight, I can't. Can't be in the military, can't be a pilot.) I have always kind of wanted to be an actress, too, but I'm too shy to really be any good at it, and I'm not a good singer so musicals are out. The point is, I have tons of things I want to do, want to try, want to see, but I don't always know where to start or how to do it. Fortunately I think a lot of other people are in the same situation and that makes life a little more comforting.

Next blog post:
The ridiculous animals I live with

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