So to be perfectly honest, my happiness project isn't going nearly as well as I had hoped, expected, or planned. I had all these ideas, and I started off great, but just like New Year's Resolutions, here is February and I feel like I'm both out of enthusiasm and failing anyway, so why bother? Maybe this isn't the year for this undertaking. I feel like I'm not in the right place in my life for this, perhaps. Like there are too many other things to worry about that when I have free time, instead of working on my happiness stuff, I just want to sleep. And somehow "take more afternoon naps" doesn't seem like a very worthy goal for me, because I probably nap too much already.
But you guys, I have NO ENERGY. I don't know if everybody feels like this and I'm just a wimp or something, or if there is really something that I could do to fix this, whether it be diet, medication, whatever. It's so hard to work up the enthusiasm for ANYTHING. Even standing up to take a shower, or walking to the bathroom, or taking the extra 10 steps to check the mail at the bottom of the stairs seems like an enormous effort most days. Just thinking about those things makes me want to lie down and take a nap, but lately I've been sleeping through alarms and phone calls even with the volume maxed out. So now I don't know whether I should nap because I need it, or if I should try to stay awake so I'll sleep better at night. (Even though I've been going to bed early and still oversleeping, despite the naps and obnoxiously loud alarms that I don't hear.)
Anyway, the point of all this is that if you were at all excited about my Happiness Project, like I was at the beginning, well, by now you are probably also disappointed like I am now. You should all realize that I am a planner, and perhaps part of my problem is that I didn't have enough time to plan. And now I'm struggling, and failing, and getting depressed, which I'm pretty sure is the opposite of happiness. And I guess, if I'm not enjoying it, then forcing myself through a project about happiness is kind of counter-productive. I refuse to say that I quit, or give up, but perhaps instead of having a focused year-long project on happiness, I'll keep to making monthly resolutions depending on what I foresee to be my needs that month. I guess this month I'll focus on getting enough sleep?
Take it a day at a time. Wake up and say, "Here is what I have to do today, that doesn't seem so bad. I can do this." Also, plan something nice, fun, or relaxing every day. Watching a tv show, reading a book, going out to get ice cream, staying in and having a cookie. Just a few minutes to look forward to all day, to say I made it through the day, I deserve a few minutes of calm and relaxation and "me" time.
ReplyDeleteDepression sucks, literally and figuratively, and there is absolutely no shame in going to a doctor or therapist and asking for help. More sleep makes you more tired, so make yourself get up after 9-10 hours a day/night. Even if it's reading a book or vegging in front of the TV, sitting and staring at the cars drive by, try to do something other than sleep. That's what helped me the most.
I wish you luck. Years are too long. Try the next five minutes, then the next hour, then the next day. =]